Cristiano Ronaldo Armani

Cristiano Ronaldo on holiday but our designers deserve a break too you know. And let's face it, if you're a 74-year-old man (like Giorgio Armani) you could only wish to look as good as this. No... what worries me is the form of swimwear Armani and Stefano Gabbana have opted for - Speedos. Or what Aussies, like me, refer to as 'budgie smugglers'. Whether you're cruising the coast of Sardinia, or lapping up the waves in Portofino, there ain't no excuse for 'em. Full stop!